Sorry, I just woke up

So everyone seems to want to know what happened to me since my last post months ago.

And well, all I have to say is... I'm really sorry. But I just woke up.

My head really hurts and I seem to be in a hotel room somewhere in the desert. I am surrounded with milk jugs, all filled with my own urine. I smell like fixodent and I have this really awesome beard. Wish I could tell you more but I think I am going to take a shower- wait someone's at my door. Shhh

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Grand Prize Winner, Pixar Two Day Film Festival

This cut does not have the "ingredients" required by the festival. That version can be found here: cooleycooley.blogspot.com

THIS JUST IN: Joe The Plumber Forced to Actually Do Some Plumbing Today!

Story By: Carlos Sanchez

Today marks Joe The Plumber's first day back to work doing something that hopefully he could get rich and not pay any taxes while doing it.

When reached for comment, Joe had this to say:

"It's been a great ride. But I have to say, it's going to feel good to finally be called by my real name, Sam The Publicity Whore. It just has a better ring to it, you know? It's totally gonna suck but starting tomorrow I am going to have to actually go apply for a license to start my own plumbing business and then of course, there's the whole learning to plumb part of it. But I like pipes and I like money so, it's all good. But now that Obama is going to be the president, when I make over $250,000 a year in my home state of Ohio, all those stupid little poor kids are going to steal from my American dream just so they could have books in there schools and air conditioning that works! Thats like me having to be ok with making $225,000 a year and only buying a 30 acre lot instead of a 40 acre lot. And that's just not living... You wanna learn how to read? Do it on your own dime..."

When asked about what he would name his plumbing business, he had this to say...

"Heck if I know, you dudes wanna play some Halo?"

From Findlay, Ohio , Carlos Sanchez

Why Doug Cox is smarter than Doc Emmett L Brown:

For those of you unfamiliar with Back To The Future folklore, there was a trilogy, and it was good, even with that idiot, Doc mucking things up...

Anyways, I always thought that Doc Brown was an idiot, with the exception of the flux capacitor which after all, is what makes time travel possible.

It was in Back to The Future III, where Doc really screwed things up and got himself stuck in 1885. I mean he clearly couldn't even figure out how to get the DeLorean up to 88 MPH without any gas... Well, in the movie, they decided to push it with a train... I know right? Totally unrealistic...

Doc, you are an idiot! The answer is simple and it was discovered hundreds of years ago by a guy named Newton, Isaac Newton... maybe you've heard of him. It's called gravity... duh!

It's simple, with the Delorean missing it's fuel injection manifold that YOU blew up trying to make your own gas and without any way of fixing it, the easiest and best solution is to drop the DeLorean. That's right, I said drop the DeLorean. Did I just blow your mind Doc? I bet I did and I didn't need to bust my head open on a toilet to come up with it either!

The speed of terminal velocity for a skydiver is 124 MPH. The hot air balloon was invented in the 18th century, long before Hill Valley was even on the map. 

As I clearly have illustrated above, once you drop the DeLorean, it would quickly reach 88MPH sending Marty AND You back to 1985, where once your parachute deploys, you will safely land and leave the whiny school marm Clara back in 1885 where she belongs.

Your welcome "Doc".

Your friend in time,

Doug A. Cox

Ashley Tisdale Thinks I am FAB-U-LUS

Crystal Stool On DVD and BLU-RAY OCTOBER 14th!

Just in case you have forgotten how crappy this film was, on October 14th you can bring home the disappointment 19 years in the making!

Watch as Indiana Jones and his kid with a bad attitude walk into an ancient temple with no booby traps and encounter flying angry midgets that go away when you hit them with shovels.

Get obscure facts about a fat british man from Indy's past!

Also included is Indiana Jones' first love Marion and her uncanny ability to turn tough guy Indy into a soft cuddly bear with a heart of gold. Or should I say treasure?!

You'll gain knowledge of the red communist army you never knew before, such as the fact that monkeys hate them and when encountered they will attack you but only if your are russian.

And because it is in Blu-Ray, you can see every distorted pixel from every scene using CGI.

Bring home the Blu-Ray edition today and see every crack and wrinkle on Indiana Jones' weathered but cuddly face!

You won't believe the ending! Seriously, you won't believe it.

George, I hope you fall in a Rancor pit.